Kitchen Pet Peeves
This is a list of things that have been known to make me go “What the turdbiscuit?” on more than one occasion. This list goes back a ways and doesn’t necessarily indicate the state of the kitchen I’m currently in. I’d stick my head in the fryer if I had to deal with all of this all the time.
1. The plastic wrap being messed up. Seriously who does this? Who lets it go around for 10-20 turns, just wrapping shit up with a progressively smaller piece of plastic and then puts it away for someone else? If you do this you deserve to be wrapped to a rafter for a few hours. Plastic wrap is strong. It can take it. Trust me.
2. Who didn’t restock this station? You leave your station ready to roll for the next guy. Bins should be topped off, back-ups in place, everything clean and wiped down. I hate the guys who are like “Yeah, everything’s good, I’m out.” And then you go to check the station out and hear Ron Howard in your head “Everything was not good.”
3. Who left the grill/fryer/flattop on last night? You trying to put us out of a job? Turn the fire off before you leave for the night. It sounds stupid but I put my hand on every knob on every piece of equipment, OCD style, to make sure everything is off before I leave for the night. What can I say, I like my job.
4. Why wasn’t any prep done? “Well you see what happened was…”
5. Whose coffee cup is this? See “Kitchen Pranks” for more details on this but yeah…coffee cups. Too easy to break, too easy to spill. Coffee cups suck.
6. This station needs a wipe down. I see a trend these days for cooks to want to take a break right after a rush and when I look over they’re gone but their station is wrecked. Maybe you don’t restock right away but when that last ticket goes down you wipe down, sweep, and get ready for the next one. While you’re gone someone else still needs to use the station genius.
7. This floor needs a sweep. The floor could always use a sweep.
8. Dirty knives in the dish sink. I can’t believe how many people argue with me about this! Don’t put blades in the dish sink for the dishwasher to slash his fingers on and don’t put them in the dishwasher. Clean your own knives rookie.
9. Dirty dishes in the clean stack. Just pay attention to what’s coming out of the dishwasher man. Don’t stack stuff with debris all over it or think the big magic box is going to scrub that scorched Alfredo sauce off your pan.
10. Product isn’t labeled, dated, rotated… “What is this?” “Does anyone know when this was made?” “How long has this been back here?” You want to see me pop a vein in my head? Let one of those phrases have to come out of my head because someone couldn’t use a sharpie and write three little things on a label.
11. Follow the recipe. Sometimes you get a whack recipe. It happens. Usually though these things are pretty well thought out. If you want to get creative ask if you can do a special. Menu recipes are usually sacred and in the old days a Chef would cut you for changing something. Could the Blue Cheese use a little cayenne? Maybe…but leave it alone Carl.
12. Follow the schedule. My workplace now texts a copy of the schedule to everyone at work every week. We carry it around in our pocket everywhere we go and people still get it wrong. Early outs are whatever but come to work on time. And how are you late for a 6pm shift? 6pm? You had all day to get here! If you close at 2am and go back in at 10 I sympathize. I’ll make you breakfast and have coffee waiting but c’mon man. At 6 you need to come in charged up and ready to roll, not looking like you just crawled out of a ditch, and then going to make dinner as soon as you clock in.
13. Someone too sick to come to work today but just fine when they were drinking last night. I don’t even need to explain this one. Social Media is Big Brother. I use to have to rely on the S.I.N…Server Information Network…to let me know who was sick and who knocked back 9 Jameson’s when they got off work last night. Now I just go to your Insta.
14. The people who take 10 smoke breaks a night. Yeah sure, I’ll watch the kitchen. Again. Because I don’t smoke cigarettes at all. My new favorite is “I’m going to go finish my cigarette.” So now not only are you getting more breaks than I am you’re taking twice as many because each cigarette is broken up into two? Devious.
15. Wash your hands. Please. You’re gross. We’re all gross. It’s okay…just…wash your hands.
